Young, Dumb, and Stung.

I've felt really weird lately. Confused... sad... angry... hopeless... and at some moments happy. But I have no idea where those other emotions really came from. Whether it's from being cooped up in this house, possibility of relationships ending, snapping out of my fantasy world and into a harsh reality.... I just don't know. I've also been thinking of random people lately. People I haven't talked to in a long time. Such as Cindy and Dwight McCombs. They were my other parents. And I miss them sooo much. I called Cindy the other day to check up on them and Dwight told her to tell me that he missed his daughter. I almost burst out in tears. I would seriously let them adopt me. They're the only thing I miss about those 2 years.

Another person I thought about was my ex sister-in-law Leslie. One reason is because her birthday is in just a few days. Leslie was just sooo nice and sweet and wonderful. When I thought about her and I just wondered if she was happy. I visited her myspace page hoping that maybe it would express how happy she was and that maybe she'd found this great guy and they were madly in love... But she was still listed as single. I really hope that shes happy being single. And I hope that she gets everything she wants out of life and is really very happy because she deserves it. Not saying that I don't love Melissa, I think the world of her. I really do. But I do miss Leslie.

I've become this almost pessimistic person. I always was a little bit... But now it's just like emo or something. I've quit getting my hopes up so that I never have to worry about getting let down. It's ridiculous, but works. I'm truly happy when I'm around my friends and boyfriend and all. It's just when I have time to think that I get down. I think way to often and I hate myself for it. I just can't wait to get out this rut and be happy. And that's what I've decided I'm going to do after getting my feelings out through posting this. I'm gonna take advice from this true quote from Garden State, because sometimes a good cry really does feel like the best thing ever...

"What do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good." - Sam (Garden State)