Playstation 3's are just like Hybrid vehicles.

Playstaion 3's are just like hybrids in the way that they're mainly for people who think they are too good/better than everyone else.

Not saying that I wouldn't own a hybrid, I mean it'd save me ton on gas. But affording one right now and paying for any gas to go in it would be impossible.

My eyes change colors. Blue, green, blue-green, blue with green in the middle, green with blue dots or like a starburst effect. I'm pretty sure they brighten with the mood and lately they've been kind of dull. Kind of more green and dull. I'd really like if they could be how they are in my facebook default all the time. But I'm not sure what I need to do to get em that way. Things just need to be simpler and easier. Idk. Whatevs.

"No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under you skin that you didn't experience it at all. There's that falling heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should have been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel someday. This is all practice." -- Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

Curse of Curves

I have been in such a bleh mood lately. I don't know if it's work, personal stuff, or what it is. I just can't stay content and I don't really know what to do about it. I mean... I just want to be happy all the time. And I want things to be good all the time. But somehow I keep putting myself in these situations or with these people who won't allow that. Apparently they have the same problem with being happy and don't really have any intentions of changing that. Say they do, but obviously deep down they don't. At least I try. But it's hard when you keep trying but they keep bringing you down. I get to a point where I just feel hopeless and it's the same old thing all the time and I'm tired of trying and trying. So yes, I give up cause I don't want to be the only one doing so. I know this is very cryptic and I'm sorry but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make things worse/bad again.

I've been thinking about the past. There's so much stuff I would change if I could. If only I could travel time. There would be some people I'd give chances to, and some people I most definitely would not. I wonder how things would be different if I could do that. I wonder if I'd be happier or not happy at all. Why can't I do this so the wondering will stop?! Gah!

Ever hear of a person being with someone only because they know they won't hurt them? Because they know that they more than likely won't cheat on them because they're crazy about them, and even if they did do so, and they split up, that said person won't really care or be hurt that much because they weren't head over heels in love with them in the first place? How bad of a person does that make them? I've heard stories and stuff so I've been wondering about this. I mean, people always say that Summer from 500 Days of Summer is a bitch, but thinking on it, she's really not. It's not her fault. She can't help that she didn't love him like that. I think she tried to. But she told him from the get-go nothing serious. She told him and he got super serious anyway. I mean yeah she acted like they were a couple, but he led her into that and she was having fun and I still believe she really wanted to love him like that. She just couldn't. He wasn't her someone. Blaaah I don't know. This note has been extra jumpy. Sorry about that =/

Felt good though, but now I guess I'm gonna get off here.

"It's love, not Santa Clause." -Tom (500 Days of Summer)

Loss. What a bummer.

I really just feel the need to write right now. This is waaay overdue and considering I'm doing this way past my bedtime I really hope it makes some sense. New Year's resolution is going to be to write on here more. Cause I never really get around to it and I always have to unload everything and bore whoever comes to read it.

So, one new thing that has happened is that my good friend from work, Erisha, lost her husband recently. Christmas Eve in fact. I hate it for her cause I know how hard it is... I hated having to go to the funeral home to see all the grieving people and the casket... I haven't really liked it since Andrew died... But Erisha is one of the best people I know. Beautiful inside and out so I did it. I'm proud of myself. I just wish I knew what to say to her. But I didn't. Cause I know there's not really anything you can say. Nothing that can truly comfort what you've lost. And everyone that keeps just coming up to you and hugging you just makes you cry 10 times more... All I know is, that you spend a loooong time crying... Then one day you wake up, and those tears turn to smiles. You realize that you're not crying cause they're gone. And you're not smiling cause you're crazy... (at least not completely), But instead you're smiling because they were there. Because they were in you life and gave you memories worth smiling about. And because that's what they would want. I know that Rob was Erisha's husband for what longer then Andrew was my boyfriend. So I can't imagine how this must be for her. But she's also a much stronger person then I was. I just hope it won't be too long before those tears turn into smiles. Because I really can't remember seeing her without one on her face.

Anyway, it's getting late and I have work tomorrow. I'll try to get back on tomorrow and catch whoever cares back up on my life and random thoughts. It really feels good to get this stuff out even if no one is reading it. =P

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for awhile." - The Princess Bride