I think I may be dying. Literally.

Well, not literally. But I really do think that something is wrong with me physically. And it's scary. I mean, there are a couple of minor reasons I could be feeling the way I do. And I really hope one of them is the cause.

My hands have been going numb, or have had this really bad pain in each of my palms. My legs have been killing me. Seriously. I was almost to the point of limping yesterday. I've had dizzy spells. Today, it felt like someone had given me a shot in the arm. Like when I got the measles and chickenpox shot and my arm hurt all day. That's how it felt randomly. And there's really no reason for any of this. I'm 22 fucking years old. Feeling this old and this in pain is scary... It makes me sad. Broke down a little today.

I'm really hoping upon hope that it's just due to over-exhaustion, or my dependency on caffeine. Maybe I haven't been getting a good sleep cause maybe I have restless leg syndrome and it's more active now that I've been dosing myself with so much caffeine. I don't know. I just really hope that it's something like that and not something serious. Like carpal tunnel or cancer or something.

Also, I'm really tired of being so emotional. I'm just going to act like I'm alone/by myself so that when MIA, it won't bother me as much cause it won't feel like it's supposed to be that way.

Fuck this week.

"I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise."-- Chuck Palahniuk (Choke)